dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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