i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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