To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
