Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
