don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just want to make out with him forever
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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