I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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