She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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