I smell stomach acid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
