im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
