I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize