I just threw up on my dentist
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
