He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
