Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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