When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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