so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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