dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
