haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
