ya dads aren't the best wingmen
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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