She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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