You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
