My friends, they love my intelligence
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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