i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
