How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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