Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
