i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
pray to the hookup gods
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize