Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Congratulations! We have a period
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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