I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
