I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
