Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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