There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
