you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
