This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
