hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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