I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize