If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
