she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
