Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
