the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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