Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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