I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
