he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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