I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
