Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
