I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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