then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
