i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
