So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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