before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
