Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
