you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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