I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
this is an emotional support booty call
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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