Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
