Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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