we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
