I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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