I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will be naked everywhere
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
