12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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