Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
