omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
