a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
