I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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