hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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