bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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