that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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