i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
