Non-Jews are for practice
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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