there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
