i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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