guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
