mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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