Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
