So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
