like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
