Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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