rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
