so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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