threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
