Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
