i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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