Redeem this text for a blowjob
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
