You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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