sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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