Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
