she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
