If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
